Whew! Thanks for all of the positive feedback that I’ve received via IM, email, and comments. The first section of the story is now completed.
If anyone has any comments or constructive criticism, I would ask that you comment in this thread. The only way I get better as a writer is to fine-tune my work, and that’s where you, as the reader, comes in.
If anyone is interested, the entire first section is available as a PDF file.