Comments on: A Loss of Innocence, Chapter Two, Part Two

By: Pete

Pete — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 01:30:14 +0000

Thanks, boys and girls.

By: Fett402

Fett402 — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 16:14:38 +0000

Awesome work once again!

By: StAtiC

StAtiC — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 14:09:38 +0000

My above comment should read:

Just how I would have written it! Except you wrote it with more skill, structure, balance, less miss spellings, and grammer mistakes.

So basically nothing like I would have written it, but how I pictured it. Great job!

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 12:59:03 +0000

You know, I really enjoy the character development. You’ve subtly introduced each character as not to overwhelm the reader and then have expanded as the story has moved on. I really like the relationship that Collins and O’Leary are forging, even if it’s in the quiet afterglow of a night of heavy drinking and forgotten fornication.

Will Collins grow to love O’Leary? WIll he make decisions that will protect her if he can? When and if ‘lust’ is replaced by ‘love’, how will fighting in the same platoon affect the relationship? Nothing better happen to either of these two, or I’m going to start calling you by the name of ‘George.’

Keep pouring on the great stuff!

By: doug

doug — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 21:44:03 +0000

By: Pete

Pete — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 03:31:17 +0000

Nice. I hereby assign you the “gratuitous naughty sex scene” that will take place at some time in the story. Let’s see your writing chops.

By: StAtiC

StAtiC — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 00:25:39 +0000

Just how I would have written it! Except with more skill, structure, balance, less miss spellings, and grammer mistakes.

So basically nothing like I would have written it, but how I pictured it. Great job!