1. Turn off your frakking cell phone. For real. It isn’t funny. I don’t want to hear “Baby Got Back” or “Bringing Sexy Back” or “A Whole New World” in the middle of a panel on the Cassini mission to Saturn. Let me repeat: You are not cool. All of us have a phone/smartphone capable of polyphonic ringtones. Those of us who are cool have discovered that it also vibrates.
2. Nine year olds running around unsupervised in a hotel and a convention that encourages people to dress up like their darkest bondage fantasy is probably not the best idea. They’re nine. Do you, as a parent, want to answer the question about “Why that girl with the ugly makeup had a ring in her nipple?” I don’t either. Leave them at home. It’s also a HUGE safety issue. 
3. If your boobs can be described as anything in the realm of “E” or above, a corset is probably not your best option for a costume. This is especially true if your corset does not cover your midriff. The last time I watched a bowl full of jello act like it was on a major faultline, it was green, and it was because my son was pounding his high chair.
4. When panels open up for questions, ask your question and shut up. A five minute discourse on how smart you are just wearies the rest of us who have real questions. You are not as smart as you think you are. The first step to any problem is admitting you have it. Take a good look in the mirror and repeat that to yourself a couple of times.
5. If you’re in a bar and you happen to be wearing a replica Captain Kirk uniform from the original Star Trek series, you have an immense social hurdle to overcome. Being obnoxiously drunk and hitting on married women who happen to be sitting next to their husbands is a quick way to smear all of us who have a little bit of geek cred. First of all, original Trek, which might be cool in an old school, vintage sort of way, doesn’t automatically imbue you with the spirit of James T. Kirk. That means you aren’t a ladies man. Deal with it.
6. You’re all geeks. Why do you smoke? You’re smart people, you understand science very well. I would estimate 33% of the con-goers were smokers. Walking outside of the hotels is like running the gauntlet for a Marlboro ad. If you’re going to smoke, take about twenty steps away from the entrance into oncoming traffic. The death you get there will be less painful and more useful to society as a whole.

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